I am a writer. Therefore, I am not sane. -Edgar Allan Poe
Is it too much to ask
For someone to care
That you’re falling apart
How do you dare
You are the one
They always come to
But when your in need
Who do you look to
You struggle with life
You’re not as perfect as you put on
The mask you wear
Is now faded and long gone
So what do you do
To show them truth
Behind that mask
You are just you
You may not like
The way lines are written
Whether rhyming or not
My words sometimes unwritten
Unit now
I open my heart
I let you in
To the one part
My flesh flayed
For all to see
I have not played
With the emotion I show thee
I am who I am
Nothing I won’t show you
I just asked you one thing
See that I’m true
I never knew how alone I was
Until I was alone
No text or calls
No one to reach out to
I will be ok
If I’m gone
They won’t notice
And that’s not on you
I don’t want you to feel sad
I want you to see me
As someone who was
But wasn’t as well
I don’t want any mourning
Not over me
Just love for each other
That’s now it should be
Take care of one another
You are all you have
Don’t mourn for me
I’m ok where I am
I just can’t be
In this world anymore
Something sweet
And satisfying
Greasy smooth
Quenching that a sweet tooth
We know we shouldn’t eat
But its sweetness calls
Like new love
Something we cannot resist
Like a first love
We know it won’t last
But we have to have it anyway
It may add pounds
Like love adds baggage
There a sweet gooey center
We can’t resist
And like love
We want another
The sweet donut
That allows love to go on
I’m in that place again
where no one knows how to deal
With my shit
To them isn’t real
I hurt inside
So I hurt myself outside
I don’t expect you to deal
With what I am going through
Something very real
I can’t explain why
I hurt myself so
Except that it feels right
When I am so low
I think it helps
I think it’s the way
I will choose and
Chase the pain away
But in the end
I only feel
A physical pain that is real
A pain that leads
To more pain as I heal
Embarrassed to show my wounds
But also asking others to feel
Something for me
To try and understand
That this is who I will be
I don’t want it to be who I am
But it is what it is
I am me and you are you
I hurt myself
And you keep to you
Are you actually telling me the truth
Or is it another scam
Get me into bed
Exploit my insecurities
Take me
Where you want to go
I just want to talk
To get to know you
Are you pretending
Take advantage
I would let you
Even if you are
I’m alone
Thou I want something
But truly something more
Can you be something
Something more
Than a notch on the belt
Just be honest
What do you want
Just so I know
I sleep whenever I can
I dream vividly
But it’s not real
I don’t care
I can sleep
All of the time
Just to be
In that reality
It’s not perfect
But it feels so good
Better than this life
That’s not my own
I don’t even know
Where I belong
Where I should be
Where I can go
I’m so lost
I just want to be
In my dreams
Where I fit
Almost perfectly
I recall the time
I was wearing the shirt
The one you always remembered
The one with purple flowers
We listened to a band play
A “show” we called it
Back in the day
You put your cap on me
Your blonde hair to your chin
You were beautiful to me
I knew the minute I saw you
I knew you were mine
And I was yours
So young we were
Full of love
Full of hope
Little did we know
Youth ends
First loves end
But you are always on my mind
I always wonder
If I could have been better
As time has gone on
So many things
Came to light
I wish I could tell you
Why I couldn’t
Give you what you needed
Oh I wish I could have
I couldn’t tell you
How I was hurt
In my past
How I was ruined for you
Oh what I wouldn’t give
To relive those days
To do it all over
Knowing what I know now
You were my first love
You will always have
My heart
I gave you my best
Whatever that means
I don’t have anything left to give
I gave you my best
The love
I knew how to give
What happens
Now that
You’re gone
I have nothing
Left to give
I’m empty
I gave you my best
What is left of me
Nothing
If anyone comes
Around me now
There is nothing left
I gave you my best
I gave you all I had
I gave you my best
Do you still think of me
Twenty-some years later
Am I alone in my thoughts
My memories of the good
And the bad
So many firsts
That new love brings
As we grow older
The firsts are not the same
Innocence has been lost
Passion fades
Life has made us hard
Accepting new love
New lovers
New desires
No longer easy to come by
I long for the earlier days
When love was in abundance
I think of you
Do you think of me
B.A. Wilcox © 