Tag: needs

Poetry

That Place

I’m in that place again 

where no one knows how to deal

With my shit

To them isn’t real

I hurt inside

So I hurt myself outside

I don’t expect you to deal

With what I am going through

Something very real

I can’t explain why

I hurt myself so

Except that it feels right

When I am so low 

I think it helps

I think it’s the way

I will choose and 

Chase the pain away

But in the end

I only feel

A physical pain that is real

A pain that leads

To more pain as I heal

Embarrassed to show my wounds

But also asking others to feel

Something for me

To try and understand

That this is who I will be

I don’t want it to be who I am

But it is what it is

I am me and you are you

I hurt myself

And you keep to you

Poetry

Truth

Are you actually telling me the truth

Or is it another scam

Get me into bed

Exploit my insecurities

Take me

Where you want to go

I just want to talk

To get to know you

Are you pretending

Take advantage

I would let you

Even if you are

I’m alone 

Thou I want something

But truly something more

Can you be something

Something more 

Than a notch on the belt

Just be honest

What do you want

Just so I know 

Poetry

Sleeping Through Life

I sleep whenever I can

I dream vividly 

But it’s not real

I don’t care

I can sleep 

All of the time 

Just to be

In that reality 

It’s not perfect 

But it feels so good 

Better than this life

That’s not my own

I don’t even know 

Where I belong 

Where I should be

Where I can go 

I’m so lost 

I just want to be

In my dreams 

Where I fit 

Almost perfectly 

Musings

Just a Musing on Life

Watching ”Sex in the city” or “Friends” and even at 45 I’m wishing I could have the type of friendships they do. I wonder how many others feel the same way I do.

Am I alone in this? I’ve always thought it would be great to have your neighbors as your friends and your girlfriends/guy-friends as the ones who you’ve had for years. People who know you. Who are there just when you need them and vice versa. People who will call you on your shit no matter what. And who you will love even when they piss you off. Because you all know that no matter what, you are never alone in anything that you do or anything that happens to you. Is that too much to ask for?

I know there are so many of us who feel alone. Who feel like we are lonely wanderers without a tribe. So what do we do? What do I do? I have some friends and I have a couple of people I know I can count on. So why do I want more? I need a community, I think.

Am I selfish? Have I just not figured out how to utilize and be utilized by my friends?

All I know is, loneliness really is a death sentence.

Poetry

First Love

Do you still think of me

Twenty-some years later 

Am I alone in my thoughts

My memories of the good

And the bad

So many firsts

That new love brings

As we grow older 

The firsts are not the same

Innocence has been lost

Passion fades

Life has made us hard

Accepting new love

New lovers

New desires

No longer easy to come by

I long for the earlier days

When love was in abundance

I think of you

Do you think of me

Poetry

Do you really care 

Or are you feeling like

It compulsory 

It’s ok 

To not want

To be around me 

My sadness

My mess

I’m used to those

Who leave

I’m used to those 

Who can’t handle it

It’s scary 

And it’s sad

How do people 

Live like this

A mess surrounding them

What is this they/I

Am living in

How can they go on 

I’m telling you 

It’s not easy

But I manage

For now

How much 

Do I 

Want to say

Please help me

I’m drowning 

In this mess

I’ve made

But I’m ashamed

For you to see

What I have become

I’m so tired 

Of feeling this way 

Please help me 

Find a way

A way out of 

This mess

A way out of

Me

I want to be

Happy again 

I want to be free

I want to 

Live a life

A life 

Normally

Poetry

Do you feel like 

You are treading water 

Don’t give up

Fight through the pain 

The exhaustion 

Take a deep breath 

Sink if you need

Feel the womb of the ocean 

Comfort you

It’s ok to go under

For a second

Hold your breath

Feel the water envelop you

Then…

Kick those legs

Pull yourself up

Come up for air

Take that breath 

Fight the fatigue

Remember hope

Remember love

Remember life 

I know your tired

It would be so easy

To let go

Sink

Remember home

Remember love

Remember loss

All the things that made you strong

It’s ok to go under

For a second

Hold your breath

Feel the water envelop you

Then…

Kick those legs

Pull yourself up

Come up for air

Take that breath 

Fight the fatigue

Remember hope

Remember love

Remember life

A rescue boat

May never come

You’re on your own 

And that’s okay 

You may feel

Unprepared for what’s ahead

Afraid of the unknown 

Afraid of drowning 

The anchor 

Feels heavy

Around you

Pulling you down 

It’s ok to go under

For a second

Hold your breath

Feel the water envelop you

Then…

Kick those legs

Pull yourself up

Come up for air

Take that breath 

Fight the fatigue

Remember hope

Remember love

Remember life

Fight the current

You can push through 

It’s only water 

It’s only life

It’s painful

But it’s also hope

It’s love

It’s worth it

It’s ok to go under

As long as you 

Kick those legs

Pull yourself up

Come up for air

Take that breath 

Fight the fatigue

Remember hope

Remember love

Remember life

And Breathe