I am a writer. Therefore, I am not sane. -Edgar Allan Poe
I never knew how alone I was
Until I was alone
No text or calls
No one to reach out to
I will be ok
If I’m gone
They won’t notice
And that’s not on you
I don’t want you to feel sad
I want you to see me
As someone who was
But wasn’t as well
I don’t want any mourning
Not over me
Just love for each other
That’s now it should be
Take care of one another
You are all you have
Don’t mourn for me
I’m ok where I am
I just can’t be
In this world anymore
Dying of a broken heart
Is it a possibility
Is it just the start
Of a scientific understanding
A heart that stops working
Could be triviality
A pain that’s lurking
Maybe bioengineering
Or can it be a love long gone
A wish unspoken
Passion overdrawn
Oneself disappearing
Whatever the cause may be
The heart has been broken
This, anyone can see
Death is ever nearing
Penned in a time of despair
A time loss
A time that has changed
The receiver never
Understands why
Such a letter is exchanged
The sender knows
It’s felt in the heart and soul
Never to be interchanged
How do you know
What you see and feel
Is anything but real
A kiss
A touch
And such
A loss
A tear
A fear
Loving embraces
Heart races
Dream chases
Eyes open
We’re copin’
No dopin’
Is it fact
Is it fiction
Or just introspection
Penned in a time of despair
A time loss
A time that has changed
The receiver never
Understands why
Such a letter is exchanged
The sender knows
It’s felt in the heart and soul
Never to be interchanged
I can’t do it anymore
This world
This life
I don’t understand
What am I supposed to learn
All I see is pain
Is fear
Is lying
And death
I want to start over
I want a redo
Does that mean
I am left in this world
At this time
Can I be
A better me
Or will I be
Left in the dark
Nothingness
A dark reminder
That nothing exists
Outside of now
Or do I come back
A fish
A bug
A child who
Has to figure it all out again
Can I start over
Is there a way
To start over
Or is that it
Do I go and see
My Father for the first time
My grandparents
My cousin
All no longer with me
Do I stay
In pain
Lost
In a world
That doesn’t need
Me
Oh they will say
We need you
Life will not be the same
They don’t realize
They are lying
Life goes on
Time ticks away
Maybe they won’t forget
But they will move on
They will continue
Life will continue
Sadness may occur
And will pop up
From time to time
But the sun will rise
The sun will set
Hours will go by
People will smile
And laugh again
People will celebrate
The days to come
Though those days
May be numbered
But
They will have the faith
And the strength
That I no longer possess
I am not a victim
Of my circumstances
I am a warrior
Losing a battle
Bleeding out
From my wounded soul
I am no martyr
I am merely one
Who will fight
To the death
Even if
It shall be my own
In my dreams last night
Unwanted ghosts of my past
Visited me
Disturbing my slumber
Still lingering once I woke
Haunting me throughout my day
For intangible entities
Their memories continue
Weighing me down
A bitter taste
Destroying beauty
People that kill
People who die
Children who wake
From gunshots outside
Families afraid to
Send their children to school
Blood soaked clothing
Of mothers whose
Sons have died in their arms
Guns in the hands
Of the innocent and nefarious
Bombs dropped
Bloodshed in the name of God
Wars for power, land, oil, greed
Mother’s without children
Babies without families
Nations without trust
Humans without Love
***
Hope endures faintly
Heroine addicts
Looking at the girl
With razor carvings
Blanketing her arms and legs
–
They turn away from her
“She doesn’t have a real problem”
–
As in life she’s unaccepted
In this world of recovery
–
Walking away
She gives in to
No longer belonging in this world
–
Desperately searching
To find the end
–
The end of her pain
–
A girl in-need of help
Never found it
–
Even in a place
Where all can be helped
B.A. Wilcox © 