Tag: aging

Poetry

Screaming Through the Written Word

Mom sees it

Obligatory maybe

But why can’t anyone else see

I don’t want this pain

I want Hope

Family

People who are ok with me

Being me

But also, there

Pulling me out of

The swamp

No siblings

They have each other

No lover

To hold me

Tell me they have me 

No matter what

No ride or die friends

Who can and will be there

When it’s too hard to ask for help

Maybe I want too much

A hand out to keep me

From drowning

I’m drowning 

I will be your ride or die

I will be your sister

I will be your friend

I will be your lover

Can you be mine

Can you hear me

As I shout these words aloud

As I write them down

Begging for someone to see

To know that I need

Something

Someone 

Anything but this

Emptiness

Black hole that I feel 

I’m being sucked into

PLEASE

SOMEONE

SEE

ME

All I am now 

Is disappearing 

Into my own words

Poetry

Never ending Story 

Is that who we are

What we are waiting for

What is it that happens to us

When the the time comes

Do we get to start over

Do we get to try again

Maybe in a different way

Or are we done

Stardust

An energy that lives on

With no choices left 

But to be

Dust to dust 

As they say

I want to start over

I want to remember

The mistakes I made

To do it over

Bust I also 

But I also

Want to forget

Forget the

Mistakes I have made 

Forget the loves

I have lost

But I am scared 

Scared that this is all there is

Scared that I will only

See and feel the darkness

That is Absolutely nothing

Nothing but darkness 

Or the noting that causes us 

No feelings at all

Nothing but darkness

What do I do

What do I do

I want to live

But no longer know how 

Poetry

There better be a donut at the end of this

Something sweet

And satisfying

Greasy smooth

Quenching that a sweet tooth 

We know we shouldn’t eat

But its sweetness calls

Like new love

Something we cannot resist

Like a first love

We know it won’t last

But we have to have it anyway 

It may add pounds

Like love adds baggage

There a sweet gooey center

We can’t resist 

And like love

We want another

The sweet donut

That allows love to go on

Musings

Just a Musing on Life

Watching ”Sex in the city” or “Friends” and even at 45 I’m wishing I could have the type of friendships they do. I wonder how many others feel the same way I do.

Am I alone in this? I’ve always thought it would be great to have your neighbors as your friends and your girlfriends/guy-friends as the ones who you’ve had for years. People who know you. Who are there just when you need them and vice versa. People who will call you on your shit no matter what. And who you will love even when they piss you off. Because you all know that no matter what, you are never alone in anything that you do or anything that happens to you. Is that too much to ask for?

I know there are so many of us who feel alone. Who feel like we are lonely wanderers without a tribe. So what do we do? What do I do? I have some friends and I have a couple of people I know I can count on. So why do I want more? I need a community, I think.

Am I selfish? Have I just not figured out how to utilize and be utilized by my friends?

All I know is, loneliness really is a death sentence.

Poetry

Do you feel like 

You are treading water 

Don’t give up

Fight through the pain 

The exhaustion 

Take a deep breath 

Sink if you need

Feel the womb of the ocean 

Comfort you

It’s ok to go under

For a second

Hold your breath

Feel the water envelop you

Then…

Kick those legs

Pull yourself up

Come up for air

Take that breath 

Fight the fatigue

Remember hope

Remember love

Remember life 

I know your tired

It would be so easy

To let go

Sink

Remember home

Remember love

Remember loss

All the things that made you strong

It’s ok to go under

For a second

Hold your breath

Feel the water envelop you

Then…

Kick those legs

Pull yourself up

Come up for air

Take that breath 

Fight the fatigue

Remember hope

Remember love

Remember life

A rescue boat

May never come

You’re on your own 

And that’s okay 

You may feel

Unprepared for what’s ahead

Afraid of the unknown 

Afraid of drowning 

The anchor 

Feels heavy

Around you

Pulling you down 

It’s ok to go under

For a second

Hold your breath

Feel the water envelop you

Then…

Kick those legs

Pull yourself up

Come up for air

Take that breath 

Fight the fatigue

Remember hope

Remember love

Remember life

Fight the current

You can push through 

It’s only water 

It’s only life

It’s painful

But it’s also hope

It’s love

It’s worth it

It’s ok to go under

As long as you 

Kick those legs

Pull yourself up

Come up for air

Take that breath 

Fight the fatigue

Remember hope

Remember love

Remember life

And Breathe

Uncategorized

If you could turn back the clock

What would that look like

Would you tell that person

You love them more than life itself 

Or that you wish they had never

Darkened your doorstep

Would you relive that first kiss

Or do it with another

Would you study hard

And earn that degree

That has no impact

On your future 

Or would you travel the world 

Seeing the what the history books

Can’t show you 

Would you play everything safe 

College 

Marriage

Kids

Would you change the things you’ve done

Or would you do everything the same way 

Poetry

Vintage

Turning forty (oh so old)

Some may even say vintage

–

Like songs of my youth

Now playing on classic radio stations

–

Like playing outside all day

Occasionally into the night

–

Like going to school

With only the worries of failing a test

–

Like having peers from Mexico

Unafraid to go to school in America

–

Like presuming the world

Is a safe place to live

–

Being in one’s prime

No longer seems a malediction

But a culmination

Of wondrous experiences