The card does not have to be played
I can put it in my back pocket
It will always be there
But I don’t ever have to put it down
It’s always my choice
Until the game must end
It will stay in my pocket
Tag: Suicide
I have never felt so alone
I can talk to anyone
I can go out and be jovial
I want to be
A person
Who is asked to be there
To have a good time
But I also
Want to be one
Whose is wanted
Someone who is needed
To be at the clubs
At the bar
To have fun
Even when I am struggling
I need my people
People who know me
And to pull me out
Of my funk
to see that I am
Not ok
And yet want
To others to keep me as part of their lives
Knowing I can be fun
I can experience
and experience
The joy it is to
Be with my people
Please don’t shut me out
I can still be fun
I’ll talk about life
Or just play games
Don’t push me away
Because I am not perfect
I beg of you
To keep me in your heart
In your life
I don’t know if I can survive
Without you
Please accept me for who I an
As I will always accept you
Is that who we are
What we are waiting for
What is it that happens to us
When the the time comes
Do we get to start over
Do we get to try again
Maybe in a different way
Or are we done
Stardust
An energy that lives on
With no choices left
But to be
Dust to dust
As they say
I want to start over
I want to remember
The mistakes I made
To do it over
Bust I also
But I also
Want to forget
Forget the
Mistakes I have made
Forget the loves
I have lost
But I am scared
Scared that this is all there is
Scared that I will only
See and feel the darkness
That is Absolutely nothing
Nothing but darkness
Or the noting that causes us
No feelings at all
Nothing but darkness
What do I do
What do I do
I want to live
But no longer know how
I never knew how alone I was
Until I was alone
No text or calls
No one to reach out to
I will be ok
If I’m gone
They won’t notice
And that’s not on you
I don’t want you to feel sad
I want you to see me
As someone who was well
But wasn’t as well
I don’t want any mourning
Not over me
Just love for each other
That’s now it should be
Take care of one another
You are all you have
Don’t mourn for me
I’m ok where I am
I just can’t be
In this world anymore
I want to be done
With this life I despair
I want to be done
For you I no longer care
Is it too much to ask
For someone to care
That you’re falling apart
How do you dare
You are the one
They always come to
But when your in need
Who do you look to
You struggle with life
You’re not as perfect as you put on
The mask you wear
Is now faded and long gone
So what do you do
To show them truth
Behind that mask
You are just you
I never knew how alone I was
Until I was alone
No text or calls
No one to reach out to
I will be ok
If I’m gone
They won’t notice
And that’s not on you
I don’t want you to feel sad
I want you to see me
As someone who was
But wasn’t as well
I don’t want any mourning
Not over me
Just love for each other
That’s now it should be
Take care of one another
You are all you have
Don’t mourn for me
I’m ok where I am
I just can’t be
In this world anymore
I’m in that place again
where no one knows how to deal
With my shit
To them isn’t real
I hurt inside
So I hurt myself outside
I don’t expect you to deal
With what I am going through
Something very real
I can’t explain why
I hurt myself so
Except that it feels right
When I am so low
I think it helps
I think it’s the way
I will choose and
Chase the pain away
But in the end
I only feel
A physical pain that is real
A pain that leads
To more pain as I heal
Embarrassed to show my wounds
But also asking others to feel
Something for me
To try and understand
That this is who I will be
I don’t want it to be who I am
But it is what it is
I am me and you are you
I hurt myself
And you keep to you
Do you really care
Or are you feeling like
It compulsory
It’s ok
To not want
To be around me
My sadness
My mess
I’m used to those
Who leave
I’m used to those
Who can’t handle it
It’s scary
And it’s sad
How do people
Live like this
A mess surrounding them
What is this they/I
Am living in
How can they go on
I’m telling you
It’s not easy
But I manage
For now
How much
Do I
Want to say
Please help me
I’m drowning
In this mess
I’ve made
But I’m ashamed
For you to see
What I have become
I’m so tired
Of feeling this way
Please help me
Find a way
A way out of
This mess
A way out of
Me
I want to be
Happy again
I want to be free
I want to
Live a life
A life
Normally
Penned in a time of despair
A time loss
A time that has changed
The receiver never
Understands why
Such a letter is exchanged
The sender knows
It’s felt in the heart and soul
Never to be interchanged
B.A. Wilcox © 