Penned in a time of despair
A time loss
A time that has changed
The receiver never
Understands why
Such a letter is exchanged
The sender knows
It’s felt in the heart and soul
Never to be interchanged
Tag: hope
Trying institutions
Of the mind and soul
Looking for answers
Test self control
Go to the groups
Read all the books
Collect all the coins
Like the best of crooks
Look in the mirror
Affirmations each day
The changes are made
Then go away
Continue to ride
The waves of recovery
Only to find
Endless discovery
From one to the next
The pages turn
Some to be torn out
Some to burn
The book will continue
To be written with little control
While moving through the institutions
Of the mind and soul
Almost there
What does that mean
I’m not where I
Thought I’d be
I did not expect
A suicide attempt
One or more
Rehabilitation stays
Jobs upon jobs
Figuring out
Who I am
Who I’m supposed to be
Fired for the first time
In my many pursuits
Am I stopping myself
Am I in my own way?
I don’t feel okay
I don’t feel right
I don’t know what’s going on
I don’t know what mask to don
I act
I apply
I try so hard
I’m lost in myself
I’m wrong for the part
The position, the role
I try so hard
I’m still the black swan
I won’t give up
Figuring out
Who I am
Not put on a shelf
Like a book
Or a journal
With words
Or none
I will
Find out
Who I am
For once and for all
I will write
I will sing
I will be with myself
One on one
The heartbreak
The tears, and pain
Are all I am and
I will not fall
I will over come
I will pursue
I will love again
I will continue to hope
For more than I am
For more than I can be
For all that I want
For all that is to be
I want for more
I need to be
One who lives
One who can cope
To be
To be
To be
The truest me
BW’24
I am
A newly opened bistro
My menu offers two options
Hope with a side of love
And life with a side of adventure
All are welcome
No shoes, no shirt
Who cares
Just check your limitations
At the door
Dissipating fog
The sky illuminated
Hope was infinitely hers
Carrying her sadness like a totem
Believing it was her only truth
Until its power was gone
–
Lost and confused
Needing a new image to embrace
A personification of a new truth
–
Unearthed, in spite of adversity,
A symbol of strength and hope
Her true identity
A bolt of lightning
Has awoken me from
The nightmare of despair
Cloudy days
And nights without stars
No longer remain
In my illuminated mind
Born consisting of pure love
Authentic to the core
As years advanced
Purity fading evermore
–
Saturated with sorrow
Yearning to die
No hope or joy
Pleading “why?”
–
Craving answers
A private war
Coveting a mental repose
Unexpectedly, an open door
–
Petition acknowledged
Hope illuminates the ashen sky
Recovery furnishes
The wings to fly
For so long
A motif of darkness and shame
Flooded her lyrics
Now strength and radiance
Innervate her soul
Permitting only sanguine expression
In the darkness
Of despair
One can lay down
Live in the nothing
Or
One can reach out
Find the switch and flip it
Filling the room
With the light of hope
B.A. Wilcox © 