I am a writer. Therefore, I am not sane. -Edgar Allan Poe
Looking in the daily glass
I do see a change
As many see the new wrinkles
Spots of the years gone by
All I see is my eyes
No longer the sparkling of what used to
But rather the redness in the eyes
From tears and pain of the past
of who I am now
Where is that girl
Who was afraid but also fearless
The girl who looked
Toward newness and opportunity
Was I ever that girl really
Or is what I see now
A true reflection of who
I have always been
The card does not have to be played
I can put it in my back pocket
It will always be there
But I don’t ever have to put it down
It’s always my choice
Until the game must end
It will stay in my pocket
I have never felt so alone
I can talk to anyone
I can go out and be jovial
I want to be
A person
Who is asked to be there
To have a good time
But I also
Want to be one
Whose is wanted
Someone who is needed
To be at the clubs
At the bar
To have fun
Even when I am struggling
I need my people
People who know me
And to pull me out
Of my funk
to see that I am
Not ok
And yet want
To others to keep me as part of their lives
Knowing I can be fun
I can experience
and experience
The joy it is to
Be with my people
Please don’t shut me out
I can still be fun
I’ll talk about life
Or just play games
Don’t push me away
Because I am not perfect
I beg of you
To keep me in your heart
In your life
I don’t know if I can survive
Without you
Please accept me for who I an
As I will always accept you
Is that who we are
What we are waiting for
What is it that happens to us
When the the time comes
Do we get to start over
Do we get to try again
Maybe in a different way
Or are we done
Stardust
An energy that lives on
With no choices left
But to be
Dust to dust
As they say
I want to start over
I want to remember
The mistakes I made
To do it over
Bust I also
But I also
Want to forget
Forget the
Mistakes I have made
Forget the loves
I have lost
But I am scared
Scared that this is all there is
Scared that I will only
See and feel the darkness
That is Absolutely nothing
Nothing but darkness
Or the noting that causes us
No feelings at all
Nothing but darkness
What do I do
What do I do
I want to live
But no longer know how
I’m dwindling in this life
I have never found
The one
If that exists
I am ok alone
But I would love
To find someone to
Light my spark
I do have a spark
I cannot light
On my own
Though I have tried
So many times
We are not meant
To be alone
So they tell us
I hope that’s true
I wish for
Someone who is there
For me
Made specifically
But deep down
I know
I may end up alone
Naked as the day
I came into this world
Alone
Alone
Without my spark lit
We all want this
To be true
Someone who is meant
Specifically for you
A fantasy?
Maybe
But I won’t give up
On my spark being lit
Just for me
Do you really care
Or are you feeling like
It compulsory
It’s ok
To not want
To be around me
My sadness
My mess
I’m used to those
Who leave
I’m used to those
Who can’t handle it
It’s scary
And it’s sad
How do people
Live like this
A mess surrounding them
What is this they/I
Am living in
How can they go on
I’m telling you
It’s not easy
But I manage
For now
How much
Do I
Want to say
Please help me
I’m drowning
In this mess
I’ve made
But I’m ashamed
For you to see
What I have become
I’m so tired
Of feeling this way
Please help me
Find a way
A way out of
This mess
A way out of
Me
I want to be
Happy again
I want to be free
I want to
Live a life
A life
Normally
You made your decision
I may not understand why
But I forgive you
Whatever happens
You are my blood
You are my community
You are my country
I will continue to hope
I will continue to fight
To protect all that we are
All that we can be
You are my
Brothers and sisters
I love you
I hold you in my heart
I fight for you
I forgive you
If you know someone
Who is living
In a different place
Than the place you are today
Open your eyes
Open you heart
And listen
To what they have to say
They see the pain
They see the war
They see the hurt
We feel each day
What can we do
But vote
And fight
And eventually pray
To believe
There is hope
In the world
Either way
They see we
The U.S. struggle
With decisions
We make
Everyday
But hope that we
Can find a way
Can find away
To believe in what we say
All we have
Is our hope
And the love
That which we pray
For
All who need
And want
The help of the USA
Where do I go
When I’m lost
I’m lost
So lost
I’m not afraid
Just wandering
Newly blind
Wandering
Around and around
I have no guide
Just myself
My thoughts
My feelings
And I’m still lost
Where do I go from here
Do I stop
Stand still
Let life happen
All around me
Or do I accept
That I am on my own
Feeling around
In the dark
Until I can find
The Light
You are treading water
Don’t give up
Fight through the pain
The exhaustion
Take a deep breath
Sink if you need
Feel the womb of the ocean
Comfort you
It’s ok to go under
For a second
Hold your breath
Feel the water envelop you
Then…
Kick those legs
Pull yourself up
Come up for air
Take that breath
Fight the fatigue
Remember hope
Remember love
Remember life
I know your tired
It would be so easy
To let go
Sink
Remember home
Remember love
Remember loss
All the things that made you strong
It’s ok to go under
For a second
Hold your breath
Feel the water envelop you
Then…
Kick those legs
Pull yourself up
Come up for air
Take that breath
Fight the fatigue
Remember hope
Remember love
Remember life
A rescue boat
May never come
You’re on your own
And that’s okay
You may feel
Unprepared for what’s ahead
Afraid of the unknown
Afraid of drowning
The anchor
Feels heavy
Around you
Pulling you down
It’s ok to go under
For a second
Hold your breath
Feel the water envelop you
Then…
Kick those legs
Pull yourself up
Come up for air
Take that breath
Fight the fatigue
Remember hope
Remember love
Remember life
Fight the current
You can push through
It’s only water
It’s only life
It’s painful
But it’s also hope
It’s love
It’s worth it
It’s ok to go under
As long as you
Kick those legs
Pull yourself up
Come up for air
Take that breath
Fight the fatigue
Remember hope
Remember love
Remember life
And Breathe
B.A. Wilcox © 