Penned in a time of despair
A time loss
A time that has changed
The receiver never
Understands why
Such a letter is exchanged
The sender knows
It’s felt in the heart and soul
Never to be interchanged
How do you know
What you see and feel
Is anything but real
A kiss
A touch
And such
A loss
A tear
A fear
Loving embraces
Heart races
Dream chases
Eyes open
We’re copin’
No dopin’
Is it fact
Is it fiction
Or just introspection
Penned in a time of despair
A time loss
A time that has changed
The receiver never
Understands why
Such a letter is exchanged
The sender knows
It’s felt in the heart and soul
Never to be interchanged
Trying institutions
Of the mind and soul
Looking for answers
Test self control
Go to the groups
Read all the books
Collect all the coins
Like the best of crooks
Look in the mirror
Affirmations each day
The changes are made
Then go away
Continue to ride
The waves of recovery
Only to find
Endless discovery
From one to the next
The pages turn
Some to be torn out
Some to burn
The book will continue
To be written with little control
While moving through the institutions
Of the mind and soul
But not today
Today I will wallow
In my thoughts
In my dreams
In my hopes
Of a different life
Something better
Whatever that may be
I’m at a bar
Alone
I’ve never gone anywhere
Alone
Not really
I don’t even like to go shopping
Alone
Delivery only
COVID spoiled me
But here I am
Having a drink
Alone
Hmm
I guess that’s how life goes
You always end up
Alone
At some point
Her beauty is unattainable
By many standards
She has youth on her side
To be in her vicinity
She’s a painting rendered
And my envy I cannot hide
Carefree and full of life
It may have been within me
Something I denied
Find the pain
You’ve buried deep
And lend it your voice
Speak the words
Take the leap
Make the choice
Let your anguish
Continue to seep
In your pain it will rejoice
Or find the pain
You’ve buried deep
And lend it your voice
Life hits one
In an unexpected way
Being a burden is something
One cannot obey
When one feels
Sad and blue
One may write their feelings
True or untrue
Don’t be worried
Don’t be scared
Maybe one only needs
To know someone cares
In a slump
One feels alone
They crave a call
On the phone
Someone to reach out
To tell them they are okay
To tell them life can suck
But they can keep the demons at bay
A deep breath
A silent prayer
One will find themself
Through those who care
One knows it’s selfish
For them to ask
For others to reach out
To take on that task
To let one know
One is not alone
That they too have had
A depression full-blown
In their hearts and minds
They know this is not rare
But sharing their anguish
They may not dare
Together they can
Help relieve the sadness
Together they can
Find a way out of the madness
Together they can
Fight another day
Together they can
Be okay
I can’t do it anymore
This world
This life
I don’t understand
What am I supposed to learn
All I see is pain
Is fear
Is lying
And death
I want to start over
I want a redo
Does that mean
I am left in this world
At this time
Can I be
A better me
Or will I be
Left in the dark
Nothingness
A dark reminder
That nothing exists
Outside of now
Or do I come back
A fish
A bug
A child who
Has to figure it all out again
Can I start over
Is there a way
To start over
Or is that it
Do I go and see
My Father for the first time
My grandparents
My cousin
All no longer with me
Do I stay
In pain
Lost
In a world
That doesn’t need
Me
Oh they will say
We need you
Life will not be the same
They don’t realize
They are lying
Life goes on
Time ticks away
Maybe they won’t forget
But they will move on
They will continue
Life will continue
Sadness may occur
And will pop up
From time to time
But the sun will rise
The sun will set
Hours will go by
People will smile
And laugh again
People will celebrate
The days to come
Though those days
May be numbered
But
They will have the faith
And the strength
That I no longer possess
B.A. Wilcox © 