I drink to numb the pain
To chase the pain away
Physical pain
Numbing emotional pain
I drink some more
To numb the pain
The pain I will face tomorrow either way
Tomorrow is another day
Tomorrow I don’t want to
Chase the pain away
Tag: vulnerability
I’m in that place again
where no one knows how to deal
With my shit
To them isn’t real
I hurt inside
So I hurt myself outside
I don’t expect you to deal
With what I am going through
Something very real
I can’t explain why
I hurt myself so
That it feels right
When I am so low
I think it helps
I think it’s the way
I will choose and
Chase the pain away
But in the end
I only feel
A physical pain that is real
A pain that leads
To more pain as I heal
Embarrassed to show my wounds
But also asking others to feel
Something for me
To try and understand
That this is who I will be
I don’t want it to be who I am
But it is what it is
I am me and you are you
I hurt myself
And you keep to you
I want to be done
With this life I despair
I want to be done
For you I no longer care
Is it too much to ask
For someone to care
That you’re falling apart
How do you dare
You are the one
They always come to
But when your in need
Who do you look to
You struggle with life
You’re not as perfect as you put on
The mask you wear
Is now faded and long gone
So what do you do
To show them truth
Behind that mask
You are just you
I’m in that place again
where no one knows how to deal
With my shit
To them isn’t real
I hurt inside
So I hurt myself outside
I don’t expect you to deal
With what I am going through
Something very real
I can’t explain why
I hurt myself so
Except that it feels right
When I am so low
I think it helps
I think it’s the way
I will choose and
Chase the pain away
But in the end
I only feel
A physical pain that is real
A pain that leads
To more pain as I heal
Embarrassed to show my wounds
But also asking others to feel
Something for me
To try and understand
That this is who I will be
I don’t want it to be who I am
But it is what it is
I am me and you are you
I hurt myself
And you keep to you
Are you actually telling me the truth
Or is it another scam
Get me into bed
Exploit my insecurities
Take me
Where you want to go
I just want to talk
To get to know you
Are you pretending
Take advantage
I would let you
Even if you are
I’m alone
Thou I want something
But truly something more
Can you be something
Something more
Than a notch on the belt
Just be honest
What do you want
Just so I know
I sleep whenever I can
I dream vividly
But it’s not real
I don’t care
I can sleep
All of the time
Just to be
In that reality
It’s not perfect
But it feels so good
Better than this life
That’s not my own
I don’t even know
Where I belong
Where I should be
Where I can go
I’m so lost
I just want to be
In my dreams
Where I fit
Almost perfectly
I recall the time
I was wearing the shirt
The one you always remembered
The one with purple flowers
We listened to a band play
A “show” we called it
Back in the day
You put your cap on me
Your blonde hair to your chin
You were beautiful to me
I knew the minute I saw you
I knew you were mine
And I was yours
So young we were
Full of love
Full of hope
Little did we know
Youth ends
First loves end
But you are always on my mind
I always wonder
If I could have been better
As time has gone on
So many things
Came to light
I wish I could tell you
Why I couldn’t
Give you what you needed
Oh I wish I could have
I couldn’t tell you
How I was hurt
In my past
How I was ruined for you
Oh what I wouldn’t give
To relive those days
To do it all over
Knowing what I know now
You were my first love
You will always have
My heart
I gave you my best
Whatever that means
I don’t have anything left to give
I gave you my best
The love
I knew how to give
What happens
Now that
You’re gone
I have nothing
Left to give
I’m empty
I gave you my best
What is left of me
Nothing
If anyone comes
Around me now
There is nothing left
I gave you my best
I gave you all I had
I gave you my best
Do you really care
Or are you feeling like
It compulsory
It’s ok
To not want
To be around me
My sadness
My mess
I’m used to those
Who leave
I’m used to those
Who can’t handle it
It’s scary
And it’s sad
How do people
Live like this
A mess surrounding them
What is this they/I
Am living in
How can they go on
I’m telling you
It’s not easy
But I manage
For now
How much
Do I
Want to say
Please help me
I’m drowning
In this mess
I’ve made
But I’m ashamed
For you to see
What I have become
I’m so tired
Of feeling this way
Please help me
Find a way
A way out of
This mess
A way out of
Me
I want to be
Happy again
I want to be free
I want to
Live a life
A life
Normally
B.A. Wilcox © 