I am a writer. Therefore, I am not sane. -Edgar Allan Poe
I sleep whenever I can
I dream vividly
But it’s not real
I don’t care
I can sleep
All of the time
Just to be
In that reality
It’s not perfect
But it feels so good
Better than this life
That’s not my own
I don’t even know
Where I belong
Where I should be
Where I can go
I’m so lost
I just want to be
In my dreams
Where I fit
Almost perfectly
I’m dwindling in this life
I have never found
The one
If that exists
I am ok alone
But I would love
To find someone to
Light my spark
I do have a spark
I cannot light
On my own
Though I have tried
So many times
We are not meant
To be alone
So they tell us
I hope that’s true
I wish for
Someone who is there
For me
Made specifically
But deep down
I know
I may end up alone
Naked as the day
I came into this world
Alone
Alone
Without my spark lit
We all want this
To be true
Someone who is meant
Specifically for you
A fantasy?
Maybe
But I won’t give up
On my spark being lit
Just for me
I recall the time
I was wearing the shirt
The one you always remembered
The one with purple flowers
We listened to a band play
A “show” we called it
Back in the day
You put your cap on me
Your blonde hair to your chin
You were beautiful to me
I knew the minute I saw you
I knew you were mine
And I was yours
So young we were
Full of love
Full of hope
Little did we know
Youth ends
First loves end
But you are always on my mind
I always wonder
If I could have been better
As time has gone on
So many things
Came to light
I wish I could tell you
Why I couldn’t
Give you what you needed
Oh I wish I could have
I couldn’t tell you
How I was hurt
In my past
How I was ruined for you
Oh what I wouldn’t give
To relive those days
To do it all over
Knowing what I know now
You were my first love
You will always have
My heart
I gave you my best
Whatever that means
I don’t have anything left to give
I gave you my best
The love
I knew how to give
What happens
Now that
You’re gone
I have nothing
Left to give
I’m empty
I gave you my best
What is left of me
Nothing
If anyone comes
Around me now
There is nothing left
I gave you my best
I gave you all I had
I gave you my best
Do you still think of me
Twenty-some years later
Am I alone in my thoughts
My memories of the good
And the bad
So many firsts
That new love brings
As we grow older
The firsts are not the same
Innocence has been lost
Passion fades
Life has made us hard
Accepting new love
New lovers
New desires
No longer easy to come by
I long for the earlier days
When love was in abundance
I think of you
Do you think of me
You give me nothing
I pour my soul into you
I am empty now
You are treading water
Don’t give up
Fight through the pain
The exhaustion
Take a deep breath
Sink if you need
Feel the womb of the ocean
Comfort you
It’s ok to go under
For a second
Hold your breath
Feel the water envelop you
Then…
Kick those legs
Pull yourself up
Come up for air
Take that breath
Fight the fatigue
Remember hope
Remember love
Remember life
I know your tired
It would be so easy
To let go
Sink
Remember home
Remember love
Remember loss
All the things that made you strong
It’s ok to go under
For a second
Hold your breath
Feel the water envelop you
Then…
Kick those legs
Pull yourself up
Come up for air
Take that breath
Fight the fatigue
Remember hope
Remember love
Remember life
A rescue boat
May never come
You’re on your own
And that’s okay
You may feel
Unprepared for what’s ahead
Afraid of the unknown
Afraid of drowning
The anchor
Feels heavy
Around you
Pulling you down
It’s ok to go under
For a second
Hold your breath
Feel the water envelop you
Then…
Kick those legs
Pull yourself up
Come up for air
Take that breath
Fight the fatigue
Remember hope
Remember love
Remember life
Fight the current
You can push through
It’s only water
It’s only life
It’s painful
But it’s also hope
It’s love
It’s worth it
It’s ok to go under
As long as you
Kick those legs
Pull yourself up
Come up for air
Take that breath
Fight the fatigue
Remember hope
Remember love
Remember life
And Breathe
Dying of a broken heart
Is it a possibility
Is it just the start
Of a scientific understanding
A heart that stops working
Could be triviality
A pain that’s lurking
Maybe bioengineering
Or can it be a love long gone
A wish unspoken
Passion overdrawn
Oneself disappearing
Whatever the cause may be
The heart has been broken
This, anyone can see
Death is ever nearing
Penned in a time of despair
A time loss
A time that has changed
The receiver never
Understands why
Such a letter is exchanged
The sender knows
It’s felt in the heart and soul
Never to be interchanged
Penned in a time of despair
A time loss
A time that has changed
The receiver never
Understands why
Such a letter is exchanged
The sender knows
It’s felt in the heart and soul
Never to be interchanged
B.A. Wilcox © 