I am a writer. Therefore, I am not sane. -Edgar Allan Poe
Have another first kiss
Hold hands with someone who makes my palms sweat
Know what it’s like
To not be alone
Will I ever
Watch the sunrise again
After a long night of talking
Know what it’s like
To be ok
Will I ever
Catch a snowflake with my eyelashes
Or feel one melt on my tongue
Know what it’s like
To be free
When did your heart let me go
What was the last straw
When did I stop being yours
Was it when I stopped being me
When did you decide to leave
Was I already gone
When will you come back
I’m back to me again
When will you be coming back
Will you be coming back
Demons in my head
Get louder everyday
Only so many pills
Can be taken
To drown them out
But there’s always an echo
Of the demons in my head
Will they ever go away
Add therapy to the pills
To drown them out
But there’s always an echo
Of the demons in my head
Always an echo
Always an echo
Always an echo
Of the demons in my head
Tell those who love you
Stop
It’s not worth it anymore
And it’s ok
You are not their problem anymore
It’s ok to let go.
Please let go.
It’s hurts to tell them that
You are tired.
That you
Have no more strength.
That you
Have no more fight left in you.
You know it hurts to hear
But as exhausted as they are
You feel that
Times 100.
They will move on
They are not weak.
Not like you are now.
Too many tears,
Too many sleepless nights,
Too much
Just too much.
The therapy,
The pills,
The hope that goes only so far.
It’s done.
You’re done.
From far away
Our eyes met
He saw a stranger
And I sighed with relief
I’m not who
I was then
Never will be
If he recognized me
My heart would break
Because deep down
I’m a stranger
He didn’t realize he was looking at
It’s been over 30 years
And you still have a place in my heart
I’ve tried to bury you
Beneath so many others
Others who made me feel less than
Something you never did
Yes, we were young
Yes, we didn’t truly know
Anything about life
And what it would throw at us
But what we felt was true
As true as young love could be
Now I’m afraid
Afraid I have been ruined
By a deep love
That will never again be
And though I am sad
And wish I had been what you needed
I know that you are loved
That you have loved
After me
After us
I have never felt so alone
I can talk to anyone
I can go out and be jovial
I want to be
A person
Who is asked to be there
To have a good time
But I also
Want to be one
Whose is wanted
Someone who is needed
To be at the clubs
At the bar
To have fun
Even when I am struggling
I need my people
People who know me
And to pull me out
Of my funk
to see that I am
Not ok
And yet want
To others to keep me as part of their lives
Knowing I can be fun
I can experience
and experience
The joy it is to
Be with my people
Please don’t shut me out
I can still be fun
I’ll talk about life
Or just play games
Don’t push me away
Because I am not perfect
I beg of you
To keep me in your heart
In your life
I don’t know if I can survive
Without you
Please accept me for who I an
As I will always accept you
Will they all leave
When they know
When they see
I’m not all smiles
I’m not sunshine and rainbows
I hurt
Deeper that most
I didn’t ask for this
I don’t want to be
This version of me
I’m ok
I’m not ok
This is my life
Who wants in
A lonely life
this will be
And though I hate it
I’m resolved to be
Who I am
Where I am
You and me
Or just me
I wish I could tell you
The truth versus the lies
But lies make me seem
Better than what I really am
I am a mess
Something no one
Is willing to take on
I like you so much
But I know soon you’ll be gone
When you know the truth
About who I am
My lies to cover up
That which I’m ashamed
You leave me behind
Like they always do
This much work
Too much for you
I understand
That I m not perfect
A mess you would have
To live with
To deal with
Too much to respect
A liar I am
Not what I want to be
A liar I’ve been
I hate for others
To see
Is it too much to ask
For someone to care
That you’re falling apart
How do you dare
You are the one
They always come to
But when your in need
Who do you look to
You struggle with life
You’re not as perfect as you put on
The mask you wear
Is now faded and long gone
So what do you do
To show them truth
Behind that mask
You are just you
B.A. Wilcox © 