I am a writer. Therefore, I am not sane. -Edgar Allan Poe
Are you actually telling me the truth
Or is it another scam
Get me into bed
Exploit my insecurities
Take me
Where you want to go
I just want to talk
To get to know you
Are you pretending
Take advantage
I would let you
Even if you are
I’m alone
Thou I want something
But truly something more
Can you be something
Something more
Than a notch on the belt
Just be honest
What do you want
Just so I know
I sleep whenever I can
I dream vividly
But it’s not real
I don’t care
I can sleep
All of the time
Just to be
In that reality
It’s not perfect
But it feels so good
Better than this life
That’s not my own
I don’t even know
Where I belong
Where I should be
Where I can go
I’m so lost
I just want to be
In my dreams
Where I fit
Almost perfectly
I recall the time
I was wearing the shirt
The one you always remembered
The one with purple flowers
We listened to a band play
A “show” we called it
Back in the day
You put your cap on me
Your blonde hair to your chin
You were beautiful to me
I knew the minute I saw you
I knew you were mine
And I was yours
So young we were
Full of love
Full of hope
Little did we know
Youth ends
First loves end
But you are always on my mind
I always wonder
If I could have been better
As time has gone on
So many things
Came to light
I wish I could tell you
Why I couldn’t
Give you what you needed
Oh I wish I could have
I couldn’t tell you
How I was hurt
In my past
How I was ruined for you
Oh what I wouldn’t give
To relive those days
To do it all over
Knowing what I know now
You were my first love
You will always have
My heart
I gave you my best
Whatever that means
I don’t have anything left to give
I gave you my best
The love
I knew how to give
What happens
Now that
You’re gone
I have nothing
Left to give
I’m empty
I gave you my best
What is left of me
Nothing
If anyone comes
Around me now
There is nothing left
I gave you my best
I gave you all I had
I gave you my best
Do you still think of me
Twenty-some years later
Am I alone in my thoughts
My memories of the good
And the bad
So many firsts
That new love brings
As we grow older
The firsts are not the same
Innocence has been lost
Passion fades
Life has made us hard
Accepting new love
New lovers
New desires
No longer easy to come by
I long for the earlier days
When love was in abundance
I think of you
Do you think of me
Do you really care
Or are you feeling like
It compulsory
It’s ok
To not want
To be around me
My sadness
My mess
I’m used to those
Who leave
I’m used to those
Who can’t handle it
It’s scary
And it’s sad
How do people
Live like this
A mess surrounding them
What is this they/I
Am living in
How can they go on
I’m telling you
It’s not easy
But I manage
For now
How much
Do I
Want to say
Please help me
I’m drowning
In this mess
I’ve made
But I’m ashamed
For you to see
What I have become
I’m so tired
Of feeling this way
Please help me
Find a way
A way out of
This mess
A way out of
Me
I want to be
Happy again
I want to be free
I want to
Live a life
A life
Normally
You made your decision
I may not understand why
But I forgive you
Whatever happens
You are my blood
You are my community
You are my country
I will continue to hope
I will continue to fight
To protect all that we are
All that we can be
You are my
Brothers and sisters
I love you
I hold you in my heart
I fight for you
I forgive you
If you know someone
Who is living
In a different place
Than the place you are today
Open your eyes
Open you heart
And listen
To what they have to say
They see the pain
They see the war
They see the hurt
We feel each day
What can we do
But vote
And fight
And eventually pray
To believe
There is hope
In the world
Either way
They see we
The U.S. struggle
With decisions
We make
Everyday
But hope that we
Can find a way
Can find away
To believe in what we say
All we have
Is our hope
And the love
That which we pray
For
All who need
And want
The help of the USA
Where do I go
When I’m lost
I’m lost
So lost
I’m not afraid
Just wandering
Newly blind
Wandering
Around and around
I have no guide
Just myself
My thoughts
My feelings
And I’m still lost
Where do I go from here
Do I stop
Stand still
Let life happen
All around me
Or do I accept
That I am on my own
Feeling around
In the dark
Until I can find
The Light
You are treading water
Don’t give up
Fight through the pain
The exhaustion
Take a deep breath
Sink if you need
Feel the womb of the ocean
Comfort you
It’s ok to go under
For a second
Hold your breath
Feel the water envelop you
Then…
Kick those legs
Pull yourself up
Come up for air
Take that breath
Fight the fatigue
Remember hope
Remember love
Remember life
I know your tired
It would be so easy
To let go
Sink
Remember home
Remember love
Remember loss
All the things that made you strong
It’s ok to go under
For a second
Hold your breath
Feel the water envelop you
Then…
Kick those legs
Pull yourself up
Come up for air
Take that breath
Fight the fatigue
Remember hope
Remember love
Remember life
A rescue boat
May never come
You’re on your own
And that’s okay
You may feel
Unprepared for what’s ahead
Afraid of the unknown
Afraid of drowning
The anchor
Feels heavy
Around you
Pulling you down
It’s ok to go under
For a second
Hold your breath
Feel the water envelop you
Then…
Kick those legs
Pull yourself up
Come up for air
Take that breath
Fight the fatigue
Remember hope
Remember love
Remember life
Fight the current
You can push through
It’s only water
It’s only life
It’s painful
But it’s also hope
It’s love
It’s worth it
It’s ok to go under
As long as you
Kick those legs
Pull yourself up
Come up for air
Take that breath
Fight the fatigue
Remember hope
Remember love
Remember life
And Breathe
B.A. Wilcox © 