Poetry

Screaming Through the Written Word

Mom sees it

Obligatory maybe

But why can’t anyone else see

I don’t want this pain

I want Hope

Family

People who are ok with me

Being me

But also, there

Pulling me out of

The swamp

No siblings

They have each other

No lover

To hold me

Tell me they have me 

No matter what

No ride or die friends

Who can and will be there

When it’s too hard to ask for help

Maybe I want too much

A hand out to keep me

From drowning

I’m drowning 

I will be your ride or die

I will be your sister

I will be your friend

I will be your lover

Can you be mine

Can you hear me

As I shout these words aloud

As I write them down

Begging for someone to see

To know that I need

Something

Someone 

Anything but this

Emptiness

Black hole that I feel 

I’m being sucked into

PLEASE

SOMEONE

SEE

ME

All I am now 

Is disappearing 

Into my own words

Poetry

Not a Stranger in the Mirror 

Looking in the daily glass

I do see a change

As many see the new wrinkles

Spots of the years gone by

All I see is my eyes

No longer the sparkling of what used to

But rather the redness in the eyes

From tears and pain of the past

of who I am now

Where is that girl

Who was afraid but also fearless 

The girl who looked 

Toward newness and opportunity 

Was I ever that girl really

Or is what I see now

A true reflection of who

I have always been

Poetry

Drowning

Lost with no clear way out

No clear way but one

And even that is foggy

Nothing to fight for

Nothing to hold on to

I am dead weight

Stuck to the bottom

Can’t even find the air

Can’t find the surface

Can anyone pull me up

I can’t do it alone anymore

My arms are tired 

My lungs stretched to the limits

Can some one please

Throw me a life line

I know it’s a lot to ask

But I promise

I’ll be better

I’ll do better

Just help me reach the top

I need some air

I need some ground 

I can balance on

I’m tired of walking a tightrope

At the bottom of the sea

Poetry

Pain or Giving Up

I can feel myself giving up

Then I think about you

Until I don’t 

Until the pain overwhelms me

Snapping the rubber band 

For some pain

It’s not enough

Give me a blade

Just to feel something

See the blood

What is it in me

That craves that pain

I’m sorry I can’t explain 

What it is that drives me to this

Just know

There’s nothing you can do

This is me 

I need the pain

To feel alive

And for now that has to be ok

That has to be enough

An explanation for my pain

The blade feels better

Than the pills

Just painful enough 

To snap out of myself

Snap out of my sadness

It’s a pain

That keeps me from

Giving up

Poetry

As Much as I loved You

It’s been over 30 years 

And you still have a place in my heart 

I’ve tried to bury you

Beneath so many others

Others who made me feel less than 

Something you never did

Yes, we were young

Yes,  we didn’t truly know 

Anything about life

And what it would throw at us 

But what we felt was true

As true as young love could be

Now I’m afraid

Afraid I have been ruined

By a deep love

That will never again be

And though I am sad

And wish I had been what you needed

I know that you are loved

That you have loved

After me

After us