I am a writer. Therefore, I am not sane. -Edgar Allan Poe
Do we deserve
What we get
Awful people
Full of hate
Surrounded by family
And sycophants
Living fruitful lives
So many dream of
While those
With nothing
But open hearts
Are reaching out for
Nothing more
Than hope
Love
Support
Only to be held down
With no life jacket
To keep them from
Drowning
In this world
This life of
Chaos and turmoil
Of hate and intolerance
What else is to be done
Take one last breath
Let the current take us
Mom sees it
Obligatory maybe
But why can’t anyone else see
I don’t want this pain
I want Hope
Family
People who are ok with me
Being me
But also, there
Pulling me out of
The swamp
No siblings
They have each other
No lover
To hold me
Tell me they have me
No matter what
No ride or die friends
Who can and will be there
When it’s too hard to ask for help
Maybe I want too much
A hand out to keep me
From drowning
I’m drowning
I will be your ride or die
I will be your sister
I will be your friend
I will be your lover
Can you be mine
Can you hear me
As I shout these words aloud
As I write them down
Begging for someone to see
To know that I need
Something
Someone
Anything but this
Emptiness
Black hole that I feel
I’m being sucked into
PLEASE
SOMEONE
SEE
ME
All I am now
Is disappearing
Into my own words
Looking in the daily glass
I do see a change
As many see the new wrinkles
Spots of the years gone by
All I see is my eyes
No longer the sparkling of what used to
But rather the redness in the eyes
From tears and pain of the past
of who I am now
Where is that girl
Who was afraid but also fearless
The girl who looked
Toward newness and opportunity
Was I ever that girl really
Or is what I see now
A true reflection of who
I have always been
Swinging round the pole
Wanting to be pushed
In the opposite direction
Away from all the pain
Away from the sinking sadness
Excited I swing
The other way around
And all is still the same
Just a different direction
I’m playing all alone
Swinging round
Back and forth
Tethered and bound
To this way of life
If people could read this
If people could see me
With my defenses down
Would they see
I’m hurting
More than I show
On the outside
I smile
I laugh
But alone
I scream and cry
I’m locked
In an invisible cage
To which
No one has the key
Lost with no clear way out
No clear way but one
And even that is foggy
Nothing to fight for
Nothing to hold on to
I am dead weight
Stuck to the bottom
Can’t even find the air
Can’t find the surface
Can anyone pull me up
I can’t do it alone anymore
My arms are tired
My lungs stretched to the limits
Can some one please
Throw me a life line
I know it’s a lot to ask
But I promise
I’ll be better
I’ll do better
Just help me reach the top
I need some air
I need some ground
I can balance on
I’m tired of walking a tightrope
At the bottom of the sea
I can’t talk
I can’t see
I can speak
What’s in front of me
My mind is gone
What’s happening to me
Everything feels wrong
I cannot see
The light
From within the dark
Please someone
Send a spark
I’m lost
Searching for the key
To open up
The good inside of me
Are you all alone
Or alone again
Lost and not knowing where to go
Do you walk the streets
Stare at your phone
Hoping to hear or see them
Knowing in your heart
They will never be there
Saw my self sitting with Hades last night
I, a Eurydice without an Orpheus to rescue me
No one to risk it all for love
Not for me
Not this time
This time I will have to rescue myself
I will walk through hell
And never turn back
Because the light is just ahead
The card does not have to be played
I can put it in my back pocket
It will always be there
But I don’t ever have to put it down
It’s always my choice
Until the game must end
It will stay in my pocket
B.A. Wilcox © 